Then I developed a speech impediment and started to stutter, also became a hot-line addict. I shoplifted a bit too. After some time I decided to change everything and start over, I took a new name – Vane. The fairytale was real again – house in the woods, nature, stream, my woodland friends, beautiful girlfriend and my good father. Yes, I forgot the evil stepmother that brought an end to my fairytale. I became a priest and stayed with King Oedipus till the very end. I did a lot of different things since then. I commentated the great battle of King Ubu and the knights, I interrogated Josef K in the great trial against him, and I even spent a part of my life as a fly, but that is the part of my life I would rather not talk about. Then everything changed. I stole a car form the man who suddenly went blind, “He won’t need it anymore”, I thought to myself. Then I also went blind and ended up in an asylum. I lost my leg because I inappropriately touched a blind girl. I am sick of it all; I will escape if the guards do not kill me before.
Of course I managed to escape and find a job with the biggest Miser of them all. He was so stingy that I was his cook, stable boy and advisor. He was so stingy he almost beat me to death and I was lucky to stay alive and avoid the death penalty
Naturally, I quit and soon married my beautiful, but forgetful lady Martin whose only words were “But…I don’t remember”. She will drive me crazy – that woman that cannot even remember our daughter. Luckily, we were invited for dinner by our lovely friends, Mr and Mrs Smith, where we talked about common cold, snake and the fox and about many other things I cannot remember right now, when suddenly came the fireman and asked “Where is the bold soprano?”. I divorced my forgetful wife and moved on.
I was walking down the street and found a café bar where worked a good-looking waitress of a strange name, Barica Okno. I hit on her a bit, drank a few drinks and wooed some chick over the chat. Then a blind guy loaded with money came into the bar so I thought to myself “why wouldn’t I dress into some super hot chick and hit on him until I steal his money? And what does he need money anyway? What will he spend it on since he can’t see”? He saw through me, of course, because I did not put my wig and my boobs on correctly, so I ended up in a police station where some chick, who was a total psycho, saved me and took me with her.
I got rid of her as soon as I could and became a servant of the noble man who calls himself Don Quixote and he took me in as his squire called Sancho Panza. We travelled the world looking for adventures, me and my “Ingenious Gentleman of sad face”, meeting half-virgins, crazy shepherds, herds of sheep, windmills, travelling theatrical companies and such. Then one day we arrived at the castle, as my master would say, but I would say it was a filthy bar. But who listens to poor, ragged Sancho Panza, and then suddenly puf! Sancho Panza is the governor of and island, just like my master promised. I was overjoyed and left my master to become the governor, but I did not really like it so I went back to my master who was no longer there…Master, master, master….